terrorist yard sale

So apparently there was a big domestic terrist bust in Toronto. CNN called them “Al Qaeda-inspired”, which I guess means they weren’t Al Qaeda but they were brown and we don’t know who they were doing it for. Anyhow, lots of fertilizer and plans for lots of boom and they caught them so that’s good. But CNN ran this picture for the story when it was developing:

You can tell they’re terrorists because they mix battery brands. Ok, so there’s a gun in a bag, but other than that I’d think they busted a HAM meet. Solders of fortune, etc.

<Substitute> Peace be upon you, Ali. In the drawer in the kitchen are many batteries. Other members of the cell cannot tell which are charged and which are not. Could you make sure to throw out any dead batteries before the day of jihad? Thanks again, Abu.

So maybe they were in a rush to get the story up and wanted a picture and that’s all the police or local reporters had come up with. That’s fine, the story eventually stops being “developing” and they can put a new picture up, and they did:

Ah, yeah, that’s a lot more terrifying. Family-band radios, flashlights, and a barbecue grill! Who’d they arrest, Macgyver?

<Substitute> In the name of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful. Ali, Abu and I have both talked to you before about the kitchen drawer. The disorganization in there impedes the struggle and makes it difficult for other members of the cell to construct bombs and even to repair the Aerostar’s fuel pump last week. We have taken everything and put it in a blue Ikea bag. Please sort it out before we get back from Toronto. Allahu akbar, Malik.

The IKEA bag is a particularly nice touch. I use those bags to take down recycling and to carry groceries up from the car — if they outlaw IKEA bags, the terrists have won!

9 responses to “terrorist yard sale”

  1. That second graphic looks like something they recycled from the “OMG, panic, hurricane season is here!” stories. “OK, kids, make sure you’ve got your flashlights, radios, alternate cooking source and duct tape for when the storms hit!”

  2. alternate cooking source

    You use the duct tape to stick all of the flashlights under the grill. Then you put your steak on top and turn them all on and wait. You can see the handle of the steak knife at the bottom left.

  3. Holy crap! I own every piece of pictured equipment they seized!

    Well, except my multimeter is better and my soldering iron has a variable temperature control.

    And maybe I don’t own a blue Ikea duffel bag, but I do have several similar duffel bags with the logos of long-dead dot-coms on them.

  4. Not that I make a habit of defending CNN, but every news outlet I’ve read (the Star, CBC, G&M, BBC), all said that the “officials” said that the suspects were al-Qaeda-inspired or supporters of al-Qaeda. Who “officials” are, I don’t know. RCMP? CSIS?

    Anyhow, I don’t think CNN made those words up. Still, Substitute++.

  5. U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff spoke by telephone with his counterpart, Canadian Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day, on Saturday morning to discuss the latest events north of the border.

    Michael Chertoff and Stockwell Day?!? Christ, we’re all doomed!

  6. goodness. Good thing they didn’t come to my bedroom, which is filled with far more obscure ICs, many more mixed battery brands, flashlights, hoards of LEDs and such….no fertilizer though…

  7. In this age of terror, we in North America fear no bombs. We fear no knives. We DO fear small caliber pistols (Canada only), cell phones, and having to repair small electronic devices.

    CNN knows this.