% and the LORD looked upon the developers who kept no ChangeLog and said unto them "Depart from me; I never knew you." % His mailbox seems to be a black hole at times. I might have to start using the phone. % We need to start holding regular downtime conferences. % i sit in the office drinking scotch while a cron job and 40 lines of perl takes me to early retirement % "People who believe demos probably go to Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movies and say, 'Golly, look how well they dance together, and they just met!'" -- Frank Willison, O'Reilly % you people make too much money for being able to just sit on IRC at work :) % 500% packet loss, backhoes parading across the prairies, Alternet cleaning lady unplugged the cisco, someone shoot me % perl -e '$x=int(rand(5))+2;$y=int(rand(5))+2;print "P3\n$x $y\n255\n"; print int(rand(128))," " for(1..$x*$y*3);print "\n";'| pnmrotate $[RANDOM%90] |xv -root -max -quit +noresetroot -smooth - # (blame dagbrown) % "Do not dangle the mouse by the cord or throw it at coworkers." -- SGI Indy manual % architecture really depends on gravity not inverting itself, it turns out! not even for a while % If you piss off enough people, it's hard to tell the difference between a distributed denial of service attack and public opinion. % mjd #11906: Look at the error message! Look at the error message! % mjd #11908: Premature optimization is the root of all evil. % mjd #11927: A good approach to that problem would be to hire a computer programmer. % mjd #11946: Perhaps you have forgotten that this is an engineering discipline, not some sort of black magic. % mjd #11929: First ask yourself `How would I do this without a computer?' Then have the computer do it the same way. % I won the meeting! % that's like wearing a jellyfish on your eyeball % really it's quite a fine line between a Black Mass and a mandatory all-hands benefits meeting % I think it's like comparing chihuahuas to walls. % I demonstrated the joys of perl to a coworker today. a couple lines of code, some FTP, and a bit of microsoft tampering, and I had 1000 files called hi.michael.xxx on someone's desktop. % "I'm sure that he was aware that when he went to work, that there was always a possibility of some kind of cat as the fee." -- CNN live closed-captioning, 9/11 % "They went so far too tell us they are very kerpdz." -- CNN live closed-captioning, 9/11 % "Mayor qooul gooul to hold news conference. GLAIRKS!" -- CNN live closed-captioning, 9/11 % Death robots are just a special case of automated trains. % The nice thing about Halon is, not only are you in a room that is apparently on fire, but also you are surrounded by poison gas and cannot see. % being the usability expert in the web design field is like being the one guy that washes his hands at the slaughterhouse % I just kept shooting and shooting and the goddam shrimp just kept charging and then everything went black. I think it chewed my ear off. % Hi, I'm using Perl, DBI, Oracle, a banana, two pieces of the Berlin Wall, a Chevy truck, a pound of compost, a goose, another goose and some spam, but I get a syntax error. Help! % I'm currently explaining how php programs can output things that aren't html for example, 48% of the world's cold-rolled steel is produced by php % your toilet is in a delicate equilibrium % that's not as bad as my typing mysqld instead of "myself" % "I find [migrating a website to CSS] as satisfying as buttering individual waffle squares." -- Greg Storey % Using encryption on the Internet is the equivalent of arranging a armored car to deliver credit-card information from someone living in a cardboard box to someone living on a park bench. -- Eugene Spafford % "Australia does seem to be and has always been our problem child." - Lori White (rapidly learning what NSSG already knew) % We need to do it right, like Apollo XIII. % We found out (the hard way) that one of the disadvantages to [hybrid-electric cars] is that when the engine is off, blind people have no idea you are there. -- Jacob Berkman % "If substituting bugs for raisins in oatmeal cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right." -- Bucky Katt (Get Fuzzy) % No matter how many times I read it, "transparent squid proxy" just never sounds like software. % You see, the chemists have a complicated way of counting: instead of saying "one, two, three, four, five protons," they say, "hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron." -- Dick Feynman in _QED_ % > allspice : Jul 4 15:33:10 : root : user NOT in sudoers Was me. Who'd have thought one litre of beer could affec,mb bnjeat -- Peter % Do the simplest thing that could possibly work. -- Mark-Jason Dominus % If Sartre had been drinking bubble tea instead of absinthe, he would have been a celebrated author of musical comedies. % But I'm not bitter. --Jamie "Netscape" Zawinski % A good analogy is like a diagonal frog. -- Kai Krause % You're asking on LiveJournal. That must mean you're *really* desperate. I considered posting to Usenet, but then I couldn't stop laughing. % Someone from head office visited and was shocked to see Mitel phones in an Alcatel office. I explained that we use Alcatel trains to get to work, but they were unimpressed. % The Central Intelligence Agency is committed to protecting your privacy and will collect no personal information about you unless you choose to provide that information to us. -- https://www.cia.gov/cia/notices.html#priv % "Please also put a landlord hat on the landlord." -- unidentified design client to graphic designer % private string strMsgICN75964 = "ICN75964"; - from http://thedailywtf.com/archive/2004/07/27/720.aspx % A good way to settle on a design layout is to find and copy another page design, one that meets your needs. There are many design ideas on the Internet. -- Advice from Microsoft on the FrontPage website % That's not as bad as having your newly hired "Oracle Expert" come up to you on his first day and ask "So how does Oracle do AUTO_INCREMENT?" % should i ever be on Who Wants To Be A Millionare, one of the lifelines better be "ask on irc" % O sibili! Si ergo - fortibus es in ero! O nobili em artrux! Vatis inem? Causen dux! % that little exchange there shows the fundamental cognitive difference between an admin and a programmer One says, "Too bad you can't do that" and the other one says "I bet you can" and then doesn't do it after all % [I]f Galileo had been a biologist, he would have written volumes cataloging how objects of different shapes fall from the leaning tower of Pisa at slightly different velocities. -- George Johnson in the New York Times % you'll be like a drunk tuba player getting a new victrola for his last birthday [I don't know what it means either. --r.] % configure: WARNING: `missing' script is too old or missing % I know a guy who wrote a binary search library for a course entirely in pure sh. They said "you can use any language you want!" The next assignment was "except sh and perl." The one after that was "you will do this in C." % "There was a problem in the application code concerning GUIDs. We were almost able to convince that guy that the database was running out of GUIDs and that we should look to order new ones, maybe a volume pack." - Gunther on http://dailywtf.com % "You were thinking of a stapler. Similar Objects: a three-hole punch, a human head, an alaskan malamute, a video cassette recorder, a refrigerator, a banana pepper." - 20 Questions neural net, http://20q.net/ % and there's no risk if we do it right % Man. You know an algorithm is going to be a pain to implement if it is named after three different people Or two, if one of them is Russian % Violence is like XML. If the problem's not yet solved, use some more. % Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. (The buffaloes from Buffalo that buffaloes from Buffalo buffalo in turn buffalo other buffaloes from Buffalo.) % We have an alias for the sysops list here called monkey-knife-fight. I'm throwing a monkey into the ring. % /etc/named.conf:52: 'allow-recursion' redefined near 'allow-recursion' % "'Enabling local swap partitions:' always fails with 'swapon: /dev/cciss!c0d0p3: Device or resource busy'. ('Fehlgeschlagen' means 'failed')." - Free unsolicited German lesson on the Fedora mailing list % "Excessive drinking at work makes you feel sociable, light-headed and confident. In other words, it makes you feel like you work in sales. The day after, when you feel like the whole world is a grim, head-crushing torture chamber, it makes you feel like you work in IT." - Guy Browning, http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1924681,00.html % All the world is not, of course, a stage, but the crucial ways in which it isn't are not easy to specify. --Erving Goffman % The kernel takes care that only a restricted class of innocuous filesystem inconsistencies can happen unless hardware or software failures intervene. -- fsck(8), Mac OS X % Like most computer techie people, I'll happily spend 6 hours trying figure out how to do a 3 hour job in 10 minutes. -- Rev. James Cort % That's why I love VoIP --- you don't get people phoning up to complain that the network is down. -- Peter Corlett % control-option-command-8 is the default hotkey for negative mode I've been there for years. % "Learning how to handroll debs could ruin your life. For example, you could become someone who knows how to handroll debs." - reddragdiva@lj % Tests are very fast right now, because they don't run. % I like ASDM when I don't want to think too hard one could also argue that if you don't want to think too hard you shouldn't be on production firewalls %